Currently Loving

Hi guys!  This might be a long one so bare with me :)

Today, I thought I would share somethings I am currently loving.  We have been having a crazy time trying to get everything completed in the new house (thanks Dad) and moving things over (again, thanks Dad).  He's been doing a lot of stuff on his own as either my mom or I have William or aren't home.  It's been a crazy process but I really think the end is in sight.  Yay!  Onto the current loves...

Books

• The Martian by Andy Weir Okay, I cannot praise this book enough.  It is amazing.  It's witty.  It's nerve inducing.  It's just great.  If you haven't picked this up yet, do so RIGHT NOW!  Shout out to my friend Paul for getting this for me.  I seriously LOVE it.  Find it here.
• The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo This book shook up my heart.  I love the idea of only keeping things that "spark joy".  The whole premise is about getting rid of the junk in your life that doesn't serve a purpose anymore.  She explains how sometimes it's hard to throw things away because we will feel guilty about getting rid of it but that's exactly why you need to let it go.  I haven't taken on the task of "tidying" my stuff yet because it's strewn across two houses in boxes but I'm definitely planning on a day where I can put these steps into practice in my life.  Find it here.

Music          Have you ever listened to a song on repeat for days?  And yes, I mean days.  There were two songs so far this year that I have been listening to non stop on repeat. 

•  First off Electric Love by BORNS.  Every time I hear this song it immediately puts me in an awesome mood.  I've listened to the rest of their EP as well but there is something about Electric Love that keeps me coming back for more.  Listen here.
• Next is It's OK by Cee Lo Green.  I will admit that when Forget You came on the radio I never explored the album it was on.  Then about a week ago I though I should just check it out. I think Bright Lights Bigger City kind of just re-sparked my interest.  When I started listening to It's OK I have no idea what came over me, but I love jamming to it in the car.  You can listen here.

Movies

• I have seen MANY great movies over the past few weeks but Gone Girl is standing out when I think of my current favorites.  I haven't read the book yet but I wanted to see Rosamund Pike's performance.  That movie took me on a ride that I was not expecting to go on.  I still find myself thinking about it and I saw it a few weeks ago.  I watched it by renting from the iTunes store.  

TV

• Scandal & How To Get Away With Murder have been BLOWING MY MIND.  I cannot get enough of these shows.  I am always so worked up after watching these back to back.  If you watch these, let's chat on Thursday while they air because it's so much fun.  I usually live tweet as well if I'm not too stunned to even come up with words.

YouTube

• Jeremy Jahns is my current favorite YouTuber.  I love his movie reviews so much.  I don't agree with every thing he says but he's usually a great judge of whether it is worth it to trek to the theater to see something.  You can find his channel here.
  (Side note:  Have you all heard about a ad-less YouTube subscription service and what are your thoughts?)

Beauty

• So I've been going sans make-up almost this entire year because of how cold it is.  I don't want to put anything on my face because it's been super sensitive this winter.  Lately though I've been mixing Roden & Fields Gentle Cleanser in with whatever other cleanser I'm using and it is AMAZING.  I've been finding some of the face washes I'm  using a little too harsh and as I couldn't really afford to pick up a new skin care line, I decided to figure something out with what I had.  And so far, I'm loving it.  Interested in Roden &Fields?  My cousin is a consultant and you can learn more here.

Clothes

• My grey sweatshirt from the men's section at Old Navy, hands down.  This thing is COMFY and COZY.  I would wear it daily if I could.  I almost do at least while lounging around the house.  I'm over wearing winter clothes though... Come on spring/summer!  Find it here.

Random

• I probably could have put this under movies but it's more of a William favorite.  My mom and I showed him Lion King and he loved it.  He loves the animals and the music. When I was younger I would watch it every single day.  If William decides to watch Lion King every day I'll be content with it.  Also - he's starting to like Miles from Tomorrowland more than Mickey Mouse Club House.
  *Does happy dance to the Miles from Tomorrowland theme song because it's actually awesome*

Okay friends.  We made it to the end.  I'd love to know what some of the things you've been loving are... Feel free to comment or just text me so we can chat about your current loves.  

STAY WARM!

This is such a fun age

So I don't know how this time has gone by so quickly, but William is 14 months old.  He is hilarious, stubborn, and probably the cutest boy I've ever met.  He's walking and practically running every where.  He climbs on anything he can get on and climbs in any laundry basket he sees.  When he is in the mood he will chat up a storm with a bunch of babbling nonsense.  Oh how I wish I could decode his language.  William knows how to work all the angles to try and get his way.  When that boy hears no, you better run for the hills.  I have to try extremely hard not to laugh because it's such a fantastic mix of hilarious and frustrating.  I usually choose to focus on the hilarious part.  I love how he can have his quiet moments playing alone and also have these bursts of wanting to run around and climb all over me.  Currently his famous words are "hi baby" and "pup-pee".  It's very enunciated.   William loves eating and will try anything, that being said if he doesn't like it he will take it right back out of his mouth.  Sometimes even try to feed it to me.  He still hates getting his diaper changed and would rather run around nude than wear any item of clothing.  He pulls his socks off any chance he gets has now moved onto trying to pull of his shirts.  Annnddd, he's been successful.  The only movie I've been able to get him to sit down and watch for more than 5 minutes is Alvin and the Chipmunks which just so happened to be on TV.  (Thank you ABC Family and your family friendly Sunday programming!) When he is in the mood, William will give you the best hugs and cuddles imaginable.  It is amazing to have such a little boy fill my heart up with joy each and every day.  Not every minute is easy and not every minute is fun but that comes a long with parenthood.  The moments where he grabs my face and tries to give me a "kiss" will make up for every single time he throws a tantrum.  I cannot wait to watch him grow even more and I'm so excited to see what funny thing he does next.  I love you, William!

PS- I've been working on my capsule wardrobe for winter.  I promised myself I wouldn't buy anything for this season.  Today is day 1 and so far, I'm happy.  I'm excited to see how this all progresses!

The Blog I never knew I needed

I'm going to take a wild guess and say I'm not the only person who stares at her closet in frustration trying to figure out what to wear.  I have more than enough options all saying pick me but I cannot for the life of me choose.  So I decide to wear jeans and my favorite grey hoodie.  For work I just throw on my black dress pants or leggings and whatever sweater I see first.  I feel disheveled.  I feel like I have no sense of style.  I feel like it's pouring into other aspects of my life.  I've constantly said things like I need a fashion overhaul or I need to purge everything and start fresh.  As great as that would be, "what not to wear" is no longer given misguided fasionistas $5,000 to shop with.

(I certainly don't have the funds)

I recently stumpled upon a website called babble and starting looking through different articles that peeked my interest.  The site is essentially a ton of fantastic bloggers that post to the site about lifestyle, motherhood, and other topics.  Totally my type of site.  As I was browsing I found an interview with a blogger named Caroline.  The words that grabbed me were "clarity" and "creativity" in reference to her wardrobe.

SO.  I ventured over to her blog UnFancy and went through her posts in a style equivalent to binge watching your favorite show on Netflix.  Her approach to style is so unique and simple.  I love the idea of a capsule wardrobe and how she says everyone's capsule can be adjusted for their lifestyle.

As we are now one week into 2015, I'm claiming this year as a selfish year.  I saw a quote about it on tumblr and it just stuck with me.  I want to define myself instead of spending my life running around aimlessly trying to chase a temporary thrill.  My resolutions are conducive to this and I'm excited for this year of discovery.

I had no idea how inspired I'd be stumbling across Caroline's blog, but I definitely think I know what I'm doing with my closet before I move out of the apartment.

“2015 will be a selfish year. My time and focus will be invested on me. On improving myself. I want to become a better person physically and mentally. I want to let go of my fears and learn to love myself.”

Sidenote:  The vegan diet is going well.  I'm excited to keep going and find new dishes that work with my lifestyle and preferences.  Currently, I'm loving the deconstructed burrito (rice, black beans, vegan cheese, lettuce, and salsa tossed into a bowl) and have eaten it at 4/5 of my last meals. 

2015 Resolutions

Some people don't like resolutions and that's okay.  Some people thrive with written down goals which is also okay.  If resolutions aren't for you - you can skip this post!  :)  

Last year I made 7 resolutions for 2014.  I accomplished 4/7 goals I wrote down for myself and I am actually quite proud of that.  There were a few circumstances that I let get the better of me which is why I didn't accomplish all 7.  That is no excuse, trust me, but I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks to try and ground myself again.  This year I come to you with my goals and a sense of purpose.

1.  My sense of purpose is ever evolving.  I have never been good at picking something and sticking to it.  My family knows this better than I know myself.  I start and stop things constantly.  This year, I'm not going to get caught up in trying to define my sense of purpose.  I had many friends try and help me discover what my purpose was and during those conversations, I never really felt like I got to the bottom of it.  The conversation just stopped when I said, "William is my purpose."  He absolutely fills my heart and makes me want to be a better person, but I'm not just going to live as a reflection of my son.  I want him to be a reflection of a strong-willed, happy, and confident parent.  So resolution number 1 is... Keep digging.  Keep dreaming.  Allow  circumstances to let me evolve.  Refuse to settle for a person who treats me poorly.  Be an incredibly flawed role-model for my sweet son.

2.  I'm in the process of transitioning to a plant-based vegan diet.  (GASP IN HORROR FRIENDS)  How could you give up meat?  Protein is ESSENTIAL!  Trust me when I say, I've been doing research on this for a few months now.  I've decided that this is something I want to do.  I can fuel my body nutritiously and do it without causing harm to other creatures.  I promise you now that I will never try and force you into a vegan diet but I do request that you try not to bully me back into eating meat.  I am an adult, I think I can make this choice for myself.  :)

3.  I usually make some mention to this every year, but I'm going to bring it up again.  I want to work on saving money.  I want to take a trip with my mom to Ireland eventually and I want to be able to pay for it (or at least some).  This past year has been full of financial ups and downs for me.  I know it won't happen over night, but I want to build a security blanket as well as have money for fun.  I have not nailed out the full details of how I'm going to do this, but I'm still working on it.

4.  Live in the moment.  This sounds cheesy... I know.  I want to try and focus more time into living for the now and eliminate stressing about the past  and the future (to an extent).  I remember multiple times this year sitting on my bed sobbing and thinking, "how will I ever make it through this week, month, year".  Guess what!  I made it.  I need to learn to take a breath and enjoy my life.


So there you have it, friends!  2015 Resolutions.  I realize these are a bit broad and I've already implemented certain aspects but I feel really good about them.  Here's to a wonderful New Year!

14 Things from 2014

Here a compilation of some memorable moments for me in 2014.

14. I had three jobs this year.  I spent a couple months working at Mamzelle hair salon.  I spent 6 months at TBI Mortgage and rounding out this year at Oak Mortgage.  It's been a whirlwind for me professionally this year, but I'm so grateful.

13. I moved into my first apartment and got to see first hand what it's like to be an adult.  It's not easy.  It's not fun.  Stay in the nest little birds, as long as possible.

12. Planned and cancelled a wedding.

11. I got to go to my college's homecoming football game with friends, SC.  I had so much fun tailgating as a non band person. (Shout out to the Abarbanell's!!)

10. I did CrossFit for awhile.  I had to stop due to my financial issues, but it was well worth it while it lasted. I learned a lot about myself which helped me make some extremely tough decisions.  I'm so grateful for that experience.

9. I withdrew from Graduate school to focus on my son.  It wasn't an easy choice, but I know in my bones that it was the right one.  It just wasn't the right time for me to be in school.  One day, I will shoot for a masters but for right now, I'm content and happy.

8. I went through huge ups and downs emotionally.  Some of it may have been a product of over zealous  hormones from the after pregnancy stage, but I had some extremely dark days and I'm happy to say I'm finally starting to come out of it.

7.  I binge watched a few TV series on netflix for example ---

• House of cards
• Parks n Rec
• Dexter
• Orange is the new black
• Parenthood

6. I also FINALLY jumped on The Hunger Games bandwagon.  I can't even tell you how many tears I cried over Peeta Mellark.  I felt personally betrayed by Suzanne Collins after reading Mockingjay.  (SPOILER-->  He doesn't even die and I still sobbed like a little baby)

5.  Spent another year battling with body image issues and eating.  I'm determined to take this on to the max in 2015.  We are all human and I don't expect to be perfect but I plan on working on finding what exactly works best with me.  I appreciate every single person who has supported me on this journey.

4.   I took a lot of time to really learn about myself and what I want out of life.  It's been good for me.  I spent so much time of my life trying to please others and this year I made a conscience effort to put myself before others (not William but you can catch my drift)

3. My parents put my childhood home on the market and bought a new home. SO EXCITING AND SCARY!

2. I began to make ammends and reached out to old friends that I had lost touch with.  It's been so amazing to not have any of the past weigh down on me anymore.  I love all my friends so much, old, new, and renewed.  :)

1.  Every single moment with William was the best moment of my life.

Here's to a happy Christmas and a happy new year!  <3

Shake it off

Okay friends... Time to get personal.

As per usual, it's been awhile since my last post.  Since that post, I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure myself out.  It's not easy because I am so emotionally driven which is usually hard to decipher.  Over the past few weeks there have been some huge changes in my life and huge changes are still coming.  The biggest lesson I'm learning is that I don't need someone to put me back together every time I fall apart.  I am not saying that the support of friends isn't absolutely welcomed because trust me, those of you who have been constantly checking on me will never know how much it means to me because there is no way I can put it into words.  What am I saying is that, I can pick myself up out of bed and get myself out the door because I have to.  I have a life to live and a son to mother.  I don't have the time to sit in wallow although it is nice to leave a little time for that sometimes.  ;)

Now, I do feel like it'd be immature to completely explain the extensive details of the changes in my personal life but I do want to touch on a few things.  And, I want to add that this relationship wasn't exclusively ended by one person.  It's been a few weeks in the making of a break up and the straw finally snapped.

Breaking up with someone is not easy.  It is not as simple as just not talking to them anymore, especially when there is a child involved.  But the hardest thing of all is facebook.  The absolute dread of changing the relationship status from "engaged" to "single".  The sea of questions that could follow, the large amount of messages and texts by intrigued friends... I might be over reacting a little, but during the heat of it all, I deactivated my account and I think that has actually made this easier.  Without the temptation to look at someone's page or feel like a post needs to be censored so that the family isn't hurt - is just too much for someone like me who spends hours over analyzing and creating unrealistic scenarios.

Canceling a wedding is easy.  The part that isn't easy is having to tell people (extended family) that you are no longer getting married.  I did my best to tell people but eventually I just shut down.  I just didn't speak about it and decided that they will figure it out when they don't receive an invitation.  William shares a last name with his dad so when at the pharmacy and they call me Mrs. Douglass it just sends this stab of ice through my heart.

The reason that we ended the engagement/relationship is valid and that should be enough for people.  For those that don't actually know the details, I have no time or no patience to hear the reasons why we should stay together.  Absolutely zero.  So please don't even try because I will most likely get an attitude with you.

Overall, I'm grateful for the relationship that I had because it gave me the most amazing gift I could ever receive, William.  Part of the whole self discovery thing is to not hold to hate for anyone and forgive.  I absolutely forgive, but that in no way means I want what we had back.

I spent so many times justifying our relationship by saying, "it's not that simple to just leave someone".  I've heard people say this over and over again about their significant other and it's not easy.  It's a huge decisions to drop all the time you've spent investing in another person.  But you know what, it does get easier.  I promise you it gets easier.  This amazing thing happens when it starts to get easier, you start caring about yourself.  I've finally started caring about ME more than someone else.  (Excluding William because he always comes first)

Yes, I said I starting caring about "ME" more.  I refuse to believe that self-care is selfish.  Or if it is, so what?  I've been ignoring my needs and letting myself get to a point where I was depressed and hating life.  How would William view what a relationship was supposed to be like if I stayed in one where I was so unhappy?  What kind of example would that set for William watching his parents disrespect each other constantly?  I rather my son watch his mother grow up loving herself and making sure that she's taking care of herself not only physically but mentally too.

An unhealthy relationship should not be a punishment for two people who have a child together.

I'm learning to leave toxic relationships behind.  I refuse to be in a relationship where I feel disrespected or where I can't respect the other person.  It's a dangerous path that only leads to pain and heartbreak.  Yesterday was the first day in a LONG time where I just laughed for no reason and I was happy.  I don't know what is was exactly but I felt better than I have in a long time and I refuse to go back to how I felt before.  I've spent so long in that dark hole and I feel like I'm truly climbing out now.

Update: Darkness & Light

This post is a long time in the making, clearly.

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Bear with me here because it might start to sound a little corny...

Lately, there's been some sort of darkness that has over powered the light.  

(HP friends, can you feel me?) 

This is so simple, yet so unbelievable frustrating.  

I found myself feeling really low, like really low.  I felt like I looked gross, felt fat, and ugly.  I felt like I was overwhelmed and that I was a subpar mother.  Over the course of the last 11 months I had gotten really good and putting those feelings aside and realizing that I'm pretty awesome and have done a lot of great things... but over this past month not so much.  Like I said above, there was this overpowering darkness that I could not navigate out of.  I'm not going to say that I was depressed because I know that's actually something very serious and I'm not going to casually toss that word out to describe how I feel. 

Another way to put it was that I was stuck in the bottom of this huge hole and I couldn't figure out how I would ever get out.  And every time I tried, it just felt deeper and darker.  Not a good way to be.  It ends in most nights crying.  

How am I supposed to get out of a hole that gets deeper every time I try to climb?

Well, I think I figured a strategy out.  

Today, I received a text from a mentor and friend, "can I call you tonight for about 20 mins?".  Almost reluctantly I said yes, of course.  We decided on a time which of course was slightly delayed by a tantrum that William was throwing.  

But I digress.    

I talked with my friend for that 20 minutes and she reminded me that all I had to do was ask.  Ask for some advice, ask for guidance, and ask for mentorship.  And that's when it dawned on me, I have people in my life that care for me and will put a ladder in the hole I've dug myself into and help me climb out.  Sometimes you need someone to just shock your system by being kind and reassuring.

 I'm forever grateful for that phone call I received tonight.

One of things she asked me to do was write down the things that are making me unhappy, stressed, and sad.  I'm not going to do that exactly on this blog because some of them are personal and I'm not in a place where I want to share everything about my feelings on the internet.  Although, I am sharing a pretty big part right now ;)

I'm going to talk about one in particular though.  Just about 6 months ago now I got a job at a mortgage company.  Now, it's not glamorous but it's job and (most days) I enjoy what I have to do.  The one issue is, it's not is creative.  

In reality though, when it comes to mortgages how creative can you get?  

My personality craves creativity and I haven't been allowing myself an outlet for it, anywhere. I'm a left brain working in a right brained position.  I'll survive the job, trust me, but I need to give myself an outlet.

I wrote an entire post about how much I love make up and in the past three weeks, I've probably done my make up twice - so no creativity in that regard.  My wardrobe has consisted of black, greys, and muted tones.  Nothing overly colorful or playing up my personality.  Which isn't a huge deal but I'm just pointing out another aspect in which I've put no effort into being creative or expressive.

(cube farm life tho, am i right?)

I'm going to challenge myself to allow time for some creativity.  It could be playing saxophone, taking time to do a craft or DIY project, giving myself extra time to play with make up, or write a blog (or even something else!).  Why not?  It's just supposed to be a release for me and my eyes.  If I decide to share it, then I'll share it and hope others can enjoy it for what it is.  

I'm taking this baby step as a journey to a happier woman over all.  

I've got some work to do as I did dig my self pretty deep into a very, very dark hole.  

But with help of my family and friends I know I'll get out one step at a time.  :)

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I wanted to add this side note:  To anyone that suffers from depression and has had thoughts of harming your self please call this number:  

1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Step One: Make-Up

Hello friends!  Long time no blog, am I right?  Geez.  I really found myself completely un-motivated to write.. well type.  I have plenty of journal entries that I hand wrote but they never made their way to my blog.  So if you haven't heard the news, Brandon and I are moving into our own apartment.  We've lived together for awhile so I don't want to say we are moving in together for the first time but, it is the first time that we have paid for it ourselves!  Talk about exciting and also scary.  I always hear the saying, "if you wait till you have enough, you'll wait forever".  I think it's definitely time we just take the plunge and get out of my parents hair.  (RIGHT MOM?)

As I'm planning and beginning to pack, I've realized how much STUFF I have.  Like, it's ridiculous.  I don't use it or even need it all really.  I want to slim down my possessions before we move.  I'm planning on donating or trying to sell some things.  The reason for this post today is because I did something I never thought I would do, ever.  I completely purged my make-up collection.

My make-up loving friends might cringe at the thought and if you know me, you know I hoard pretty make-up.  Over my years at Coastal, my make-up collection grew out of control because I'd spend my Sunday's raiding the CVS sales.  My roommate at the time, Nick, used to bust me about it all the time.  I'm glad I'm becoming more practical about my belongings because I was just a mess spending on things I absolutely DID NOT need.  I was absolutely NOT using them either.

I have a desk in my bedroom that serves as my vanity.  It's an old computer desk that has lived in my room for years and wasn't being used.  So I thought -AWESOME.  I can make my own vanity but the problem was that I had too much make-up to really make the desk functional and every so often I'd come home with a bag full of goodies that I never used.

I found myself with six tubes of foundation and a bottle of BB Cream.  I only used one bottle of foundation on a regular basis and use my BB Cream on any day I didn't feel like putting on foundation.  So, bye bye to the other 5 foundations.  They were getting old and smelly anyway.  I found myself with tons of eye shadow that was going to waste.  I narrowed myself down to FOUR palettes that I use in a regular rotation.  The Lorac Pro (pretty much my every day), Too Faced Natural Eye, Nyx Naturals, and Walking on Eggshells by Wet'N'Wild.  They are all neutrals that I just LOVE.  I got rid of a bunch of other eye shadows that I never used because I prefer the ones I mentioned above.  Blush - I got rid of one but I really only had a couple from E.L.F. and a cream blush I use a lot in the summer months.

I narrowed my mascaras down to TWO.  It wasn't as hard as I thought because I was just open and honest with myself.  Those were the only two I used.  Why keep a basket full of mascaras that are un-used and will need to be thrown out anyway because they will wind up going bad.  The two that made the cut are CoverGirl Lash Blast in the black and orange tube and my Laura Geller GLAM LASH.  (OBSESSED).  I kept my pixi concealer in the salmon tone because my dark circles are monstrous these days.  William hasn't figured out what sleeping through the night is yet (Ugh!).  I kept my two laura geller face powders to set my foundation.  One is my actual skin tone and one is a light matte bronzer just in case I do get a little tan or decide to fake bake.

My lipstick collection was ABSOLUTELY unmanageable.  It took up three small buckets from target as well as a fish bowl.  I cringe when I think about how many lipsticks I had going unused.  I slimmed my collection down to 21.  That still may seem like a lot to some of you, but I had almost 70 lip products.  In the next six months if I don't use a color - I'm tossing it.  I also tossed a few brushes that weren't getting any use, EVER.  They just sat there - not even looking pretty.

My next project is my wardrobe.  I've already sorted through all of William's that are too small.  Packed them into a box and plan of giving them to a friend who is having a little boy as well.  I feel like a jerk but Will didn't even get to wear everything - our friends and family are too giving!  So thankful for that.

Has anyone found themselves staring at their FULL closet or dresser and saying, "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR".  Yes?  Well I do, almost every day.  I have recently discovered an obsession in reading about people who have adapted a minimalist lifestyle.  Now, I don't think I'm ready to take on that adventure.  But I can take it on in baby steps that can streamline my life.  (Like having a SMALLER make-up collection).  It takes the guesswork out of things.  Over the next year or so I plan on purging my wardrobe to build a professional and well put together one.  And in this instance, no I'm not just going to throw everything in my closet away and just start again.  But, I am going to go through and be open with myself about why I'm keep an item of clothing.  WHY are  you keeping that old t-shirt you never wear - not even to work out???

My basic guideline is going to be the "Five Piece French Wardrobe Method".  I'm planning on customizing it suit my lifestyle BUT this checklist (pictured below) is what I'm going to piggy back off of as I spend the next a few years really building a great foundation of basics for my wardrobe.  A brief overview of what that method is, you build a basic wardrobe and each season -- SPRING/SUMMER AND FALL/WINTER -- so about every 6 months you buy five new pieces that will add personality to wardrobe.  Basics are always allowed.  But when looking for your 5 pieces, stress quality over quantity.

*I stole this picture and am just using it for inspiration*

But like I said, that's my next adventure.

I unfortunately did not take a picture of my desk/vanity before I purged it because I didn't think I'd write a blog about it.  It was kind of embarrassing how much make-up I actually had so maybe it's best you don't see.
*I'M NOT A BEAUTY GURU.  I must remind myself after watching 15 beauty videos on youtube*

(Not pictured is my Lorac Pro and my brushes)

I feel really excited about these changes I have planned.  I spent time writing and mapping out the steps to take in my personal journal.  I passionately believe that this will only aide in my journey to a healthy body, mind, and soul.

<3

PRODUCT ALERT: BENTGO LUNCH BOX!!

Alright people.  I was browsing amazon for a new lunch box and found one that I absolutely am obsessed with.  As a kid I had my fair share of plastic lunch boxes and my fair share of brown paper bags.  This bentGo box trumps everything and makes packing a (HEALTHY) lunch so simple!

It comes with two containers stacked together with a grey band. It also comes in a few other colors.  Green is just my favorite!!

HOW COOL!  It even comes with its own utensils.

So when I go to pack my lunch I will put the "main course" in the larger bottom half.  It does not have the dividers.  For example I packed ground beef, salsa, and spinach.  I microwaved it and was good to go!  I used the top half to put protein powder and peanut butter.  It's dishwasher safe and sits neatly wherever you place it.

If you are in the market for a neat, modern lunch box - check this out for sure!  I love it.

Have an awesome day everyone!

Happy March!

Sorry for the lack of posting!  Lot's of things have been going on but I'm back and I'm ready to blog this month.  

Yesterday was my birthday!  Yay!  So, I'm officially 23.  (WHAT?)  Most of the morning was spent playing with William.  The afternoon was spent shopping for William.  All I could do was think about how much my life has changed in a year.  My 22nd birthday party was quite the experience and if I'm being completely honest, I spent most of my time blacked out.  In one year, EVERYTHING has changed.  I have a baby now and have dedicated my life to becoming healthy.  I never would've thought this would be my life when I turned 22 but there is a bigger plan for me.  I'm learning to truly follow my heart and it's leading me to great things.

For some weird reason I always choose really difficult times to be on the challenge.  And my birthday was no exception.  I stayed true though.  I splurged and had guacamole dip with chips.  It was SO GOOD.  Cheri had spark cool whip and strawberry shortcakes but I resisted… Ha!  I'm so proud of myself honestly.  I love making these healthy choices and I love having a people who support me along the way.  It's not always easy.

I have to say those, this time around everything is going a lot smoother.  And I really feel like I'm maximizing this cleanse.  I feel so light.  I love having Brandon by my side as well.  Support is amazing.  And I have my AMAZING challengers going strong as well.  

Brandon, Amanda, Ashley and Rebecca - thanks for inspiring me and motivating me constantly!  You are all amazing!

Crossfit is going well.  I absolutely LOVE crossfit langhorne.  My addiction to crossfit is reaching a new level because I'm already looking for a box to drop in while I'm in Myrtle……!  Haha.  I want to start taking it more seriously and really work on building my strength.  I really want to excel for myself.  I'm ready to take this on with a more focused mind.  When I'm able I want to start going to the Open Gym time and work on practicing specific skills.  HANDSTAND I WILL ACCOMPLISH YOU!

I'm really looking forward to this month.  It should really be awesome.  

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy month!  :)

And now I want to post my favorite AdvoCare products from February:

Probiotic Restore.  I LOVE YOU.  Like, why oh why did I not try you sooner.  I don't really feel like I need to get into details but this product WORKS and I feel like 10000 times better all the time.

Spark.  I'm working on trying every flavor but, this is a staple in my life and I don't think I ever want to go without it again.  I've always HATED energy drinks and the way they make me feel but Spark is in a league of it's own.  Complete mental focus is amazing.

Meal Replacement Shakes.  YUM YUM YUM YUM. :)  Perfect Carb:Protein ratio.  Love these shakes for breakfast.

Progress & Crossfit

I started my crossfit journey ONE MONTH ago today and I think it was one of the better decisions I've made in my life.

Check out www.crossfitlanghorne.com for more info on their classes and opportunities! 

Let me just try and think back to my first on ramp class.  I walked up and I was extremely nervous.  I have never been overly outgoing but I knew I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I walked in the door and I see Justin Derry.  I instantly felt more comfortable.  And then I saw Nick Horn which made me feel awkward since his brother has been my best friend for upwards of 6 years.  Overall I felt a lot of crazy things in the first few minutes and at one point I even felt like turning around and leaving, but I didn't.

The first day, I didn't have the coordination to do a burpee, I could not execute a push up, I could not execute a pull-up even with bands, I could not even get parallel with my squats.  I was beyond sore and  honestly I try to think back to on-ramp often to really understand the accomplishments I made.

Yesterday I did a deadlift of 95#.  The first time we practiced deadlifts in our on-ramp class, I maybe did 35#.  WHAT!  Helllooo, making GAINS.

Anyway, I guess my point in discussing this is mostly that if you are looking for a fitness program that is not routine and it's NOT walking on a treadmill everyday then crossfit might be an option.  Everyday you will amaze yourself with your accomplishments.  They start out really small but at one point you'll see things just improve in huge leaps.

In all honesty it's completely changed my view about weightless as well.  YES, I would like to lose 30 pounds but I've come to terms that it's NOT going to happen in ONE month.  If it did, I should probably be concerned and see a doctor.  I'm spending time building strength into my muscle and the fat will eventually go.  I generally eat clean and sometimes allow myself a cheat meal/day.

So far, I've lost a total of 13 pounds since jumpstarting my healthy lifestyle through AdvoCare and crossfit.  And if you don't think 13 pounds of fat is a lot, I will share a picture of what ONE pound of fat looks like.

And that also means on average I've lost one pound a week while building strength in my muscles and I honestly think that's amazing.

Getting healthy isn't always about the scale and every person is different.  For me, it's eating clean at about an 85:15 ratio.  I stand up straighter.  I feel better about myself in general.  I am gaining a lot of self-confidence.  I'm getting smaller and losing weight, even if it is not at lightening speed.  If it was EASY and only took ONE month then gyms would be out of business, right?  Getting fit is a lifestyle change and it takes hard work and dedication.

I don't want William to grow up with a Mom who hates the way she looks and obsesses over weight loss.  I want William to be surrounded by a Mom who is HEALTHY and HAPPY and who likes to EMPOWER others to feel better about themselves.

I can't thank my lucky stars and whoever is looking over me for bringing Cheri, AdvoCare, the amazing team evolve, and crossfit into my life.

Valentine's Day Challenge

HEY FRIENDS

I am challenging you to fall IN LOVE with yourself this Valentine's Day!

If you sign up for the AdvoCare 24 Day challenge by February 8th you will get an extra special Valentine's Day gift.  

The 24 day challenge is a jumpstart to a healthy life style!  It's not a quick fix.  

January Favorites!

Hey friends!
So is anyone else completely taken aback that January is OVER!?  I wanted to share some of my favorite things I used this month.  There are going to be some things in all sorts of categories.  If you want to share some of your favorites leave a comment or make a post about them!  When you think back was there something you just kept going back to all month and just had to use every day?  Alright, let's get to it.

1. Dove winter care soap.

So I saw this soap at WalMart and I was instantly drawn to it.  I used it pretty much every time I showered and absolutely loved it.  It's super creamy and moisturizing.  My skin was extra dry this winter because of the cold and this helped tremendously.

2. Lip balms/Chapstick

This favorite doesn't need much of an explanation.  This winter is brutal and chapstick/lipbalm have been life savors!

3. Spark

I finished an entire canister this month.  I've been drinking Pink Lemonade.  First off, it's good for you and second it's delicious.  It's been the best when I wake up and head to work and then I mix it with biocharge before my work outs.  :)

4. My new job

I am really enjoying myself.  Although it's not my forever job, it's good for right now so I can save up! It's also getting me some more experience which is what my resume is really lacking.  I'm also really learning scheduling which I've actually never done before. I really enjoy the people I work with as well.  They always keep me laughing!

5. Crossfit

I've officially moved from on ramp into regular classes.  I already feel stronger.  It's so nice to have an hour where I don't have to worry about anything.  The high afterwards is one of the best feelings ever, even though I'm usually sore.

6. Leggings & Yoga Pants

 I love them and if I could wear them every day I absolutely would.

7. Tresemme Cleansing Shampoo

I used to wash my hair everyday or at least wet it.  Recently I've started washing my hair only once a week and using dry shampoo.  The Cleansing shampoo really, really cleans my hair when I wash it.  It helps with product buildup as well.  I've usually been getting my hair blown dry/curled/straightened at the salon and then washing it out once a week.  Sometimes I have to wash my hair twice if my head gets too sweaty from working out and dry shampoo won't cut it.


January Un-Favorites

1.  Getting robbed.
Yeah, our cars got broken into.  Luckily we did get everything back but still.  It really pissed me off. It also caused me to miss a crossfit class.  Needless to say I was really agitated.  

2. Teething
William is teething.  Baby Oragel anyone?


So that's it!  I had a great month.  I've met some new friends and am reconnecting with old ones. I honestly have kept up with my monthly goals as well.  I'm very proud of myself and can't wait to keep working hard towards my yearly goals.

Two and half months

I can't believe my little guy is two and a half months old already.  I mean wasn't he just born?

I love this time though because he is just starting to really laugh and react to people.  He wants nothing more than to sit up on his own and get moving.  It's so funny when he just kicks and kicks and then gets made when he doesn't go anywhere.  He has started sleeping through the night.  He will sleep for 8-9 hours, take a bottle, and then roll over and fall back asleep for 3-4 hours.  He likes when sports are on TV for some reason.  Especially when it is football or tennis.  He is getting into a little routine and I am very glad for that.  I just love his little face more than anything!

Don't worry we do dress him in clothes..LOL

mid-sneeze

<3

Mid-Month Madness

Can you believe January is already half over?!  I certainly can't.

So I wanted to write a quick post about something that I've been seeing a lot of Facebook and other social media sites and even hearing from people in person.  This post may not be for everyone so you don't have to continue if you don't want to read a rant.

For about two months now I've adopted a very clean eating style.  I push myself very hard to eat healthy.  In the past two months, yes I have slipped up a couple of times but I never let it defeat me.  I'm always going to keep pushing forward and eventually clean eating will become such a habit that I won't feel the overwhelming desire to eat honey bbq wings or something in that category.  I'm extremely proud of myself and am absolutely loving the way eating healthy makes me feel.  I just never realized how bad I felt eating fast food everyday until I stopped.

Anyway, in person and on social media I've been seeing people get extremely uptight when it comes to someone who is eating clean or striving to maintain a clean diet.  Each person adapts their diet differently as well.  Sometimes people will choose to be vegan, some won't.  Some people will choose to eat meat, some won't.  Some people do not want to eat carbs, some do.  The problem that I've been seeing is that people make it seem like such a BIG DEAL that a friend or family member wants to eat healthy.  It's almost like the healthy decision that you are choosing will INCONVENIENCE your friends or family.  It's as if when you say no to cake or cookies you have genuinely hurt their feelings.

((WHAT!?))

To me, that is the most ridiculous concept.  I almost can't even grasp my head around how someone could give another person a hard time for eating HEALTHY.  The person who chooses to eat healthy has probably been thinking about it, planning meals, and asking for advice from coaches and mentors to make a GOOD change in their life.  I think ultimately everyone should strive to eat healthy more than eating poorly… but if you don't want to…OK.  I'm not going to make you feel bad if YOU want to eat McDonalds everyday but don't rain on MY parade for eating a clean, non processed diet when I tell you I don't want to go with you.  I'm not forcing you to eat healthy so don't try and force me to eat unhealthy.

I did my advocare 24 day challenge over the christmas holiday and I was always get people saying things like, "it's the holidays, you're supposed to eat this stuff".  No, actually I'm not.  The diet that I am choosing for myself does not include mini hotdogs or mac'n'cheese no matter how good they taste or smell.  I also get annoyed and SAD when people say they will never be able to eat healthy… like what?  Yes you can, you are just choosing not to!  It's all mental, I promise you.  (And also scent driven in my opinion, lol…)

Now, not everyone is making these comments in a way that is malicious, but I think the better thing to say is "that's great" or "i'm happy for you".  It's really not that difficult to just say something simple like that because it is already hard enough to completely change your lifestyle let alone receive criticism about it.  I do understand people giving certain people a hard time when they constantly complain about how they eat or how they don't eat and NEVER change anything.  That is something I really don't want to tolerate.

One of the other things that gets to me is when people say that eating healthy is too expensive… It's really not TOO expensive.  It's just as expensive as eating out, it just requires more energy to make your food.  Plus the internet if FULL of coupons for grocery stores to get things discounted.  Vegetables are actually very inexpensive.  You don't have to go to whole foods and buy all organic, the local grocery store has plenty of options at an extremely reasonable price.  It might just take a little effort to find the deals.

In our culture we shame people for being too skinny.  We shame people for being too fat.  And we even shame people for choosing to eat healthy.

It's kind of nuts!

Oh well, nobody is ever happy I guess. I just wanted to post my feelings about it because sometimes it gets me really down.

I have a few more posts planned to come out this month so I hope you continue to check back ;)

Holding yourself accountable

As I'm sitting in my living room watching William sleep in his swing with a pacifier I just took out of the freezer, my mind is just buzzing with ideas.  Have you ever felt like you had so many ideas and thoughts racing through your head that you could not figure out where to even begin?  One of my main goals for 2014 is to relax, get organized, and get myself on a more consistent schedule.  Last night after a great mixer at my friend Jenine's house I found myself feeling really down.  I knew I had no reason to feel this way, I actually just helped someone with their fitness goals through advocare. (FIRST ONE)  I still could not help but feel like I'm not doing enough.  I think my success isn't going at the rate that I originally thought it would, does that make sense?  

Sometimes I forget that you cannot get any where with out putting in TIME, putting in DEDICATION, and getting lot's of REJECTION.  There is nothing wrong with not achieving something in ONE DAY.  The fast paced nature of our culture leaves us feeling like we should already have it all.  I need to CHECK MYSELF to make sure I'm not doing things solely for my benefit but to HELP OTHERS.  I want to inspire men and women to become the best versions of themselves but how can I do that if I'm not holding myself to that standard.  I know one day I'm going to achieve everything I want and my champion bracelet won't come off until I do.  

Here are a few things I want to achieve by the 31st of this month.

1.  Reach the advisor Advisor level while helping 6+ new people with their health goals.

2.  Complete my On-Ramp session at Cross Fit Langhorne

3.  Complete my outstanding graduate school work and get back into a routine with the new semester.

4.  Step outside my comfort zone and introduce myself to lots of new people.

5.  Work diligently to set up a FREE work out program for people who cannot commit to a gym membership.

6.  Continue with my weight loss and overall health goals.

Have you been holding yourself accountable with your goals?  Are you ready to do whatever it takes to achieve them?

P.S.  I am almost to 3,000 views!  Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me and following along with my blog! 

Success School: Scranton

Saturday around 6:30 AM I began my journey to Scranton.  I drove to a meeting place and met with my amazing team so we could car pool to Scranton.  It was about a two hour drive but it was a really  nice time.  When we got there we drove around looking for parking and actually fitting into the spot was an adventure.  Cheri got it done though!  We were a little bit late to the start of the event but we did not miss much.  I was absolutely overwhelmed by the excitement and speakers.  I took lots of notes. I learned a lot over the course of Saturday and wanted to share some of my favorite quotes/advice/random stuff. 

~Be confident in YOURSELF!  SMILE, it goes a LONG way.  MAKE a friend.

~You don't meet people by accident.  

They are brought to you for a REASON.  It's YOUR job to figure that out.

~Ron Reynolds said, 

"If you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you've got."  

~I am a source of power.

~Taking the time to actually TALK to someone goes a long way.  

~There is no "NO" big enough to diminish your purpose.

~Champion: ardent defender of purpose or people

~BE A MOMMA GRIZZLY BEAR

~Doing nothing will get you nothing.

~Stop making EXCUSES

~From our team leader JEN DeTRACY: Your purpose in NOT a fad.

Everything I learned on Saturday can not only be applied to my goals with AdvoCare but with my goals of bettering myself.  Surrounding yourself with people who EMPOWER you will only benefit you.  Surrounding yourself with people who bring you down WILL bring you down eventually.  Allowing yourself to LOVE yourself will bring peace of mind.  I'm so glad AdvoCare came into my life when it did.  I get to spend time with some of the most EMPOWERING people I've ever met.  And now I just want to share this with as many people as possible.  I want to EMPOWER other people to feel great about themselves.  We should never be trying to purposefully bring another down.  

Make it a point to build someone up every day and LOOK at the type of people you begin to attract to you.

*****

And now….

DAILY DOSE OF WILL 

I just LOVE this face!

Weightloss Story… Currently in progress!

My journey of losing weight stems back to my senior year of high school.  During that year my highest weight was 233. I was not really happy with myself but I did not really do anything about it.  I suffered from server migraines that I got multiple times a week.  They would cause me to get sick (throw up) and then need to seclude myself to a dark quiet room and sleep for a few hours.  Overall this left me feeling really unmotivated and drained a lot of the time.

At the end of that year I was prescribed to a medication for migraines called Topamax.  It had A LOT of weird side effects.  I'd get tingling sensations in my face and extremities and it made soda taste like metal.  That was gross.  But one of the side effects I really "like" was that it heavily suppressed my appetite.  I lost 50 pounds while on topamax.  I lost that weight mostly from not eating if we are being completing honest.  For almost the first half of my freshman year at college I barely ate anything except when with friends.  I didn't really care about my overall health or anything because hey… I was losing A LOT of weight.  The lowest weight I reached was 173.  I was happy about it at the time honestly.

So over the next few years at college I yo-yoed with my weight a lot.  I had sworn to myself that I'd never get back to 200.  But this was an empty promise to myself because I never really learned how to lose weight or eat healthy.  I just didn't eat.  So when I started eating again I gained between 20-30 pounds back.  I'm not really sure.  You could really see it the summer before my sophomore year at Coastal because I worked a desk job and ate.  A LOT of really bad food.  So in the picture below I was at about 200.

Over the course of the next two years of my college career I went between 183-193 a lot.  For some reason those were the numbers that I always saw.  Let's be real, I wanted to get back to 173 but honestly just did nothing to really try.  I worked out sometimes and stopped eating but clearly that doesn't work and fix the problem.  So for some reason my birthdays tend to be milestones for me.  When I reached my 22 birthday, I felt HOT.  I don't even remember what my weight was (I think around 185) but I didn't care.  I was so confident with myself and was just proud that I had stabilized my weight.  I did not feel this way at my 21st.  Especially when I looked back at pictures… funny how that happens.

this is 21st birthday vs 22nd birthday

(march 2)

And then I got pregnant.  So fast forward to November.  I am now 40 pounds heavier carrying a little bundle of joy.  I knew I wanted to be healthy after my main man got here so I had to think and decide what I wanted to do.  I joined Advocare.  I message Cheri St. Martine (my AMAZING coach and mentor and friend!) and got my challenge ordered.  I literally couldn't wait for it to get to my house.  I read a lot of stories about advocare.  Read through the advocare tag on tumblr.  And just sent Cheri a bunch of questions about why she chose it and how it helped her.

So clearly I had to wait a bit after William was born to do the challenge.  He was born November 9 and I started my challenge December 8.  I am now finished the challenge and I am SO HAPPY.  I am so proud I accomplished this.  I am going to keep moving forward with advocare into 2014.  (*Hopefully become an advisor*) I am headed to success school with my teammates on January 4 and I cannot wait!  I'm also going to continue and do the "burn phase" over again.  

I have never felt HEALTHIER.  In my whole time at college I yo-yoed between not eating, binge drinking, and over eating.  (Ask Brandon, we have plenty of over eating stories… Yikes)

I am not at my smallest weight or even at "pre-baby" weight yet.  I just FEEL like a healthier version of myself.  Ultimately I have 30 more pounds to lose for my official goal weight of 2014 but I know with my support system and advocare I will get there. So now I'm going to post my before and after pictures.  I'm not where I need to be but I am freaking proud of myself.

Advocare 24 day Challenge results:

This is December 9, 2013 and December 31, 2013.

I lost 9 pounds and 20.5 inches all over.

I lost 8 inches from my hips and 6 from my waist.

My pre baby jeans already fit but I much rather wear leggings…

I cannot wait to see what 2014 has in store for me and I hope you all stick around to see how it goes.  Thanks for supporting me!  Happy New Year!

xoxox